God called down to Moses and said, “I’ve got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”
Moses replied, “Most merciful God, if I have brought you any favour, please give me the good news first.”
“Moses, the good news is that I’ve chosen you to deliver my people from bondage,” God answered. “I will force Pharaoh to release my children by causing years of pestilence in Egypt. There will be plagues of locusts and frogs and incredible devastation upon the land. Pharaoh’s armies will chase you as you try to leave, but do not fear because I will part the waters of the Red Sea to aid in your escape.”
“And the bad news?” Moses asked.
“You have to prepare the Environmental Impact Statement,” God replied.
With apologies to the writer of the Old Testament book of Exodus