“Cleveland”, 200 Barkers Road, Hawthorn

John

This house was built for my great-great-grandfather in 1888. The name came from Cleveland Terrace – a row of shops with residences above – in Bath, England, where he lived as a child.

“Cleveland” is now on the market for around nine million dollars. In 1980 I was privileged to have a personal tour of the house just before it was auctioned for $202,000 - which seemed a huge amount in those days, but pales into insignificance compared to its present value.

Judging from the video, there have been major additions and much refurbishment since 1980, and I wonder how much of the house my grandfather, who was ten years old when the family moved there, would remember.

I have a photo of my grandfather and his twin brother standing next to the corner veranda post.

Enterprising

John

An engineer cannot find a job, so he opens a clinic and puts up a sign outside that says, “Get treatment for $50; if not cured, get $100 back!” A doctor, seeing a good opportunity to show up the engineer and earn a quick hundred dollars, visits the clinic.

Doctor: I have lost my sense of taste.

Engineer: Nurse, bring the medicine from box 22 and place three drops in the patient’s mouth.

Doctor (spitting out the medicine): This is not medicine, it’s gasoline!

Engineer: Congrats… you have your taste back. That will be $50.

Very annoyed, the doctor returns a few days later, determined to recover his money.

Doctor: I have lost my memory; I can’t remember a thing.

Engineer: Nurse, bring the medicine from box 22 and put three drops in the patient’s mouth.

Doctor: But this medicine is for the sense of taste!

Engineer: Congratulations! Your memory is back… that will be $50.

The doctor leaves, angry. After several days he comes back for one last try.

Doctor: My eyesight has become weak.

Engineer: Well, I don’t have any medicine for that. Take this $100.

Doctor: But this is only a $50 note!

Engineer: Congratulations, your eyesight has improved! That will be $50.

Mistaken identity

John

Several men are changing in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and one of the men engages the hands-free speaker function. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello.”

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes.”

WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $3,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new models. There’s one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “Ninety thousand dollars.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing … the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $1,550,000.”

MAN: “Well, then, go ahead and give them an offer of one and a half. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra fifty thousand. It’s really a pretty good price.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!”

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him, astonished, mouths agape…

He smiles and asks, “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”